Christian Dating for young women

These are the notes I used when talking to a group of young women about Christian dating. They are things I think would be helpful if I found myself entering the world of dating in today's time. And all of these principles apply to women throughout dating, engagement and even marriage. Much of the info is paraphrased from the site referenced at the bottom. 

Dating:

YOU ARE (already)LOVED. God says to his daughters in Jeremiah: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." (31:3) Until you have tasted God’s eternal, steadfast, redeeming love, hold off on looking for a man. You may just end up settling for a quick love that cannot fill your core heart’s longing. Even if you are not currently being pursued by a man, you are constantly being pursued by Jesus

** First and foremost you should respect and listen to the guidelines your parents(and authority figures) set. If you aren’t ready to talk about it with your parents, you probably aren’t ready to date. Here are 3 things to help get you ready and begin navigating the dating world.

SET STANDARDS:

Talk to your parents about dating.

- Albeit embarrassing, it shows true maturity of being ready to take the first steps in dating if you can talk to your parents/authority figures. This way you can establish rules of what is accepted and what is not so it is clear to all parties involved(ex group dating vs individual dating). It is better to communicate with them how you are feeling now, rather than sneaking around and getting in trouble.

Think about your personal emotional and physical boundaries. With that being said, it is a biblical standard to remain pure until marriage

Create a list of qualities that you would want in a man/partner but be realistic. No person(including yourself) is perfect and any man/partner is going to let you down once in awhile. The good news? God will never fail you. 

     * - Would you date a non-christian? (Ex of why it’s not a good idea is b/c they will not have the same standards as you and may not respect or understand your rules and morals)

 

DEFINE YOUR IMAGE:

Ask yourself the following: 

     - How do you define your self-worth?

          - True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ.

     - What are you doing to be a Godly woman(particularly when it comes to men)?

     - How do you portray yourself to others? (Ex: Selfies/social media-what message are you sending)

          - Are you showing people your true depth or are you just surface value? "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."Proverbs 31:30

Be MODEST: Dress to Kill(any impure thoughts and desires) again, what message are you sending by what you wear? "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

Submission. This is often an ugly word in modern women’s minds when it comes to submitting to a man. But in true biblical sense it first means to submit to Christ. 

          *- Will you submit to Christ in your decisions concerning dating and relationships?

 

GUARD YOUR HEART:

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

***You have to guard your heart now so that your future husband is not robbed of it later down the road. The decisions you make now will affect you later in life. That is why dating should be reserved for mature Christians. People who can guard their heart.

We first talked about your core heart longing. The core place in your heart belongs to God, no one else.

     - Daddy-issues: You are not looking for a dad-duplicate or a dad-replacement in a man. You have a perfect heavenly Father. No man(father or boy friend can do what God has and will do for you)

Women have a tendency to be givers. This is the way God created us. But often we let our giving become a controlling factor in our life, especially when it comes to men.

      - Who are you giving your time and energy to? If it’s not God first, then you should wonder if you are in a healthy and Christian relationship. A Godly man will want God to be at the center of your heart. A Christian man will expect to come second after God.

**Remember that being single is a blessing. This is the time that you have to become a Christ follower. Develop the gifts that God has given you so you will be a Godly wife when you choose to get married.

TIPS FOR DATING:

Error on the side of modest

Be honestly you

Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you expect flowers on your birthday, then you should tell him what your expectations are so he has a chance to meet them.

Be direct. It is unfair of us to complain about guys being confusing if we do the same thing.

     - If you do not want to go out with someone, then (politely) decline.

     - If you aren’t interested after a time, let that person know

Have fun! 

Don't create unrealistic expectations

http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating/http://www.crossway.org/blog/2011/06/16-christian-dating-principles-part-1/