Leaving it all out there

'Being a good steward of your pain...It involves being alive to your life. It involves taking the risk of being open, of reaching out, of keeping in touch with the pain as well as the joy of what happens because at no time more than at a painful time do we live out of the depths of who we are instead of out of the shallows.' Frederick Buechner from The Clown in the Belfry

Heavy.....:) When we first decided we were ready to have children(I use ready loosely, as there is no way to prepare for this life altering event), I often thought about how and when we would tell people we were expecting. I had been pretty open about the fact that we were going to wait a year (since tying the knot), however, I wasn't sure how open I wanted to be about the process. I figured we'd get pregnant by the end of 2013 and we'd share right after we exited the first trimester. 

However, my plans hit a snag when we didn't get pregnant right away. This honestly took me by surprise. And because we had already shared our timeline, people were inquiring about how it was going...At this point, I had a choice. I could internalize(which was my instinct) OR I could share my story. So even though it doesn't feel natural to me, I am choosing to share my experience with family and friends and now by leaving an actual 'paper trail' via this post. 

Here is the condensed version of what we've been thru so far without getting too graphic. **any of my dad's reading this blog should probably skip this part.

Aug - Oct

- came off Nuvaring bc in August. Had 3 regular 'mensies'

-using ovulation predictor kits(opk's), 3 diff brands(Target brand, First Response and Clearblue) with positive ovulation indications

Nov

- 1 week after my yearly women's exam in Nov, began experiencing an irregular period

- blood test indicates no ovulation (progesterone level was around 5) which is why my doc thinks the 'never ending' period began

Dec

- got on lo loestrin to combat the flo

- took Premarin (in addition to the lo loestrin) in hopes of stopping the irregular bleeding 

- started taking double the dose of Premarin (per docs orders) this was short lived bc I did NOT like the way the Premarin made me feel so I stopped on my own accord 

Jan

- advised to stop taking lo loestrin and begin Ovulation stimulation meds

- 1st round of Clomid(50 mg). Main symptom is blurry vision and irritability

- still having irregular bleeding

- 3 opk sticks(various brands) indicate ovulation

- very faint positive pregnancy test

- blood test indicates no ovulation

- 2 additional tests show negative pregnancy results

Feb

- day 30 mensie

- round 2 of Clomid(50 mg)

- blood test indicates no ovulation

- no opk's or pregnancy tests used

Mar

-  wait for period to arrive(hopefully in a timely and short manner, day 28 is this Fri) 

- begin a round of Femara. (One of my besties who happens to be an ob/gyn recommended trying the switch before going up to 100mg of Clomid. The higher dose can cause your uterine lining to thin out, making implantation more difficult. Don't want to trade one issue for another, so I'm making the switch.)

So the point of this blog and to bring a looooong story short is to say this, we have hit a small road block in the fertility department and this is where we are currently at. It's scary to have all our business out on display but it certainly helps to have the support I've had from sharing my story to others and I'm so grateful to all the friends and family that have expressed their well wishes and lifted us up in prayer. I send out similar prayers to those I know who have been fighting this battle longer than we have, my heart is with you. 

All in God's time....

Liz